I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
