Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
