i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
