She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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