im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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