i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
