so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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