Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
