you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
