you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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