Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
