So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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