ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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