i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
