and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
