For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
