But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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