She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
