If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize