they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
