I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
