Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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