But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
