You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
