i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
