Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
