After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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