i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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