Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I still have a little drunk in my system
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
