the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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