did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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