We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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