I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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