3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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