Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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