I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
