I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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