9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
