My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
