saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
