glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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