No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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