If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
