Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
