my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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