When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
