If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im holly from the hills drunk
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
