Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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