her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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