just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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