Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
