also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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