I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
