Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
