just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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