The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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