Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
