im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
