Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
