I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
