You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
