I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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