I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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