Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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