My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
