Will you blow on my dice?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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