is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
