Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
