He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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