I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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