Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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