Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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