You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize