I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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