Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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