Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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