an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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