Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
