My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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