Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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