dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
