you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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