plz talk dirty to me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
