SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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