I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
