Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
