Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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