3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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