The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
