I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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