sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
is it fun? or sober?
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