I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was CRYING into my vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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