I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
