At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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