Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
