i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
